


Hereafter

by Folie



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/F, Fix-It, No Plot/Plotless, Post 2x08, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-05-12 08:55:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19225846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Folie/pseuds/Folie
Summary: She's still Eve, but not the same Eve as before. She adapted. She evolved. She became.Every transition of happenings is alright with her. She have a normal life, despite of it all. Got a nice flat, out of being a hard-worker. Fun job like before, but different people. She would rent DVDs to watch and sometimes she would go to cinema. There are times she laughs or cry.The current of those things are peaceful. Is she happy with it? Maybe. Is she bored with it? Oh, yes. Because for every day that begins and nights that end, she would...could rather, feel this void inside of her. Void created by the scar she left. The scar from Villanelle.Her life is moving forward and yet here she is, stuck in the ruins.





	1. Letting You Be My Guide

**Author's Note:**

> These are all the things we wish to happen for them.

It took Eve a long while to take in all the things that happened, all the things in her life that has change, and for who she became.

After being played by Carolyn, they no longer keep in touch. Well, there were times Carolyn would come by and ask for assignments she might like to work on, but she chose to reject all of it - brush off the excitement and intensity she could gain from it. Kenny still invites her to eat with them. May be during lunch or dinner. She knows that Kenny wants to fix something in between them that has been broken by manipulation and betrayal, but she knows it won't be the same as before and she's fine with it.

Really, she's fine with everything now. Months of recovery have passed. Recovery from the mess that her decisions have made. Her life with Niko met its death. He was angry at her and she understood why. He was sad that their marriage fell apart and she was and still is sad about it too. But she rather be alone now. Being alone makes her feel complete, still, indestructible. Sometimes at night, she would think about their last conversation and she could feel her insides twisting.

_"Eve, you have become like her. Have you noticed it?"_

_"Become like who?"_

_"Villanelle." She could see something from his eyes._

_"I'm not like her." She could see a look of fear._

_He got scared and confused from all the things he have witnessed. The things that Eve brought to their lives. The things with Villanelle's presence._

_"You're not. But it looks like you two are even now."_

Even. What does that mean? She keeps on thinking about it. Well, she pretends to. Of course, deep inside of her, she knows what it means.

It means Villanelle successfully made everything she wants to happen to Eve happened. Even in a way she finally understood herself.

The motion she feels in her guts is twisting. Twisted in a way she feels victorious for what she have achieved - being able to be who she is. Twisted in a way that a man she have loved is terrified of her and she feels saddened about it.

Does she feel manipulated by it? By her? Of course.

Does she feel betrayed? In some ways, yes. But this betrayal came with a handful realizations. She didn't fully think of those nor understand all of it piece by piece. She just came up with a conclusion that that gun shot made her wide awake to clearly see who she really is.

Does she get scared from her own self? Yes, yet that fear, that fear is controlled. Controlled not to make a mess again.

 

Everything is nice and neat for her to be able to get on with it, nice and neat except her hair. There was this time she thought about straightening it, but she suddenly got so worried that Villanelle might not be able to recognize her nor find her again.

It feels like a long time when they were together even if only a year and several months have passed. She tried, really tried to find her. At first, she questioned her actions on finding her. Like, why would she? Why would she make this effort for the woman who killed her best friend, did a damage to her marriage life before, and even shot her? She wants to know why she's doing this to herself. And she came up with an answer.

Her answer comes with knowing. Knowing that she misses Villanelle. That she miss the excitement, the thrill, the tension they have.

It's like they are conjoined. One cannot survive with the other, but cannot live without.

 

After seven months or so of searching for information about Villanelle's whereabouts. She's now facing her last stop on finding her.

The house is by the lake. It looks clean and warm. She knocks as she hears a child giggling inside. No, not just a child. A family. Laughing together. Home.

The door opens as well as his mouth. Surprised and confused.

"Eve? What are you doing here?" His accent is somehow got rougher. It sounds like he hasn't spoken an English word for a while.

"Hello, Konstantin. May I come in?"

Inside, it feels warm and new. Warm in a way she could feel the concept itself of having a family. New because she didn't know Konstatin has a side like this.

She's walking towards the living room when she bumped with someone's small. A girl who looks at her as if she've met her before.

"Are you the one she talked about?" She speaks fluently.

"The one? She talked about? Who's she?"

"You're Eve. Eve Polyester."

That hit her. "It's Polastri. Eve Polastri"

"Whatever." The girl just walk pass by her.

She sits on one of the sofa. The room feels cold. Trying to give herself a heat, she rubs her palms and put in on her cheeks. The girl sat in front of her. Just looking. Well, looking for a long time.

_Is she even blinking?_

"I do blink but I practiced not to so that I could intimidate anyone whenever I stare at them. Do you feel judged?" She chuckles.

_This girl reminds me of her. Such a know-it-all._

She chose to ignore her presence because she might say something that will make Konstantin go Russian at her.

Konstantin came in the room with a tray of...tea. He looks and acts different than those times they were working together.

"Have some tea. Winter is almost here." He put some logs in the fireplace and fire it up.

"I see you met my daughter." His smile looks so warm. Like he really loves his child.

"Yeah." She looks at the girl, and god, she's still looking at her. "She's been looking at me for ten minutes."

He laughs. "Ah, she's really just like that. Irina, stop it now. Don't want to see a blazing fire in her mouth later."

Huh. A father and his daughter laugh as they make fun of her.

She clears her throat. Trying to give a hint to discuss something.

She looks at Irina. And the game is on.

_Staring contest is what you want? I'll give you one._

Minutes pass by and they both look...like kids. Konstantin is just looking at them blankly. You could really tell he's so unimpressed.

"Eve. Irina. Stop it now."

"She should stop first. I'm just sitting here quietly."

"And how you're sitting in front of me annoys me."

"That's not my fault."

"Not mine either."

And they continued to stare at each other again, not until...

"Stop it the both of you!"

A big tall looking bear stands, with a glass of vodka with his hand.

They both behaved themselves.

"She's right about you. You are fun." Irina chuckles.

"Who's she?" This time, she sounds really annoyed and frustrated.

"Villanelle. She visited us two months ago."

That made Eve slightly gasped. She looks at Konstantin. A look of affirmation and he gave her one.

"She promised me while we were in Rome to give me a visit."

_He was also in Rome?_

"You were there?"

"Yes. I was there for my job."

_Carolyn._

She thought she knew enough, but of course in the end she knows nothing.

"Why did Villanelle visit you?"

"She promised and she never breaks her promises. She told me she would visit me and kill my family. Or so we both thought." He laughs.

_What's so funny about it?_

"Well, she was really about to kill us but then she saw Irina. She became fond of her. So she dismissed her plan and stayed with us for a week. And it felt like hell because it felt like I have another daughter that I didn't plan to have."

They both laughed.

"Did she...did she tell you her plans? Where is she gonna go? Where is she staying?"

He just looks at her. A look of knowing.

"You're looking for her? After all that happened?" He gave her a smile. A smile that she's not familiar with.

"You two are really made for each other." Now he snorts. "She didn't tell me anything, but she did tell me that she's sure you might find her. And she's right."

She didn't answer back. She can't because she's now flooded with thoughts of really not seeing her again.

 

She stayed for a couple of hours. Hours of asking, knowing, drinking with Konstantin as if they've become good friends, and talking with Irina.

Konstantin went to the kitchen to ready the dinner.

_Who knew he would be a househusband?_

Konstantin went out, Irina came in.

She doesn't know what to do with her. She doesn't even know what to do whenever she's alone with a child.

"You know, she talked about you a lot to me when she stayed her. I swear to god, I wished to be just killed by her than hearing her say your name every single time.

_Oh. That's why she has that attitude with me._

She feels good after hearing it. It means she hasn't forgot her...yet.

"What did she talk about me?" She's trying to hide how flattered she is but her face betrays her.

"Oh god, you're smiling because she talked about you. You guys...or ladies are really made for each other." Irina rolled her eyes. "Just stuff. A lot of stuff that is overwhelming for a child like me. She told me you stabbed her but after that she tried to find you. She told me the things she did just to be with you again."

Eve could see how annoyed Irina was to Villanelle with the way she talks about it now.

"She told me she did drugs and cried later because she was afraid you have forgotten about her."

_But I didn't._

"That you were busy with the Ghost? Did you find the ghost? What was she like?" Her childhood innocence is showing.

"She's dead." Eve is like a child sometimes.

Irina gave her a terrified, surprised, I-knew-it look.

"Anyway, the last thing she told me was she shot you because you broke her heart. That she loves you."

"But she doesn't know what love is."

"Oh, you old people and your minds." She sighs. "When she was telling me that, I could see how sad she was. I was right about her, you know. She's a sad person."

_Sad? How can she be sad when she killed a lot of people and showed no remorse?_

"I know I'm just a kid but I know I know things that you forgotten because you grew up or didn't know because maybe your eyesight is bad." She smirks. "I know that she was telling me the truth. She may be a bad person but she could feel things like you guys do." She shrugs and went upstairs.

Eve doesn't know if she's gonna believe in all of it but she could feel Irina was telling her the truth.

A truth that is painful to accept.

Painful because she keeps on telling herself that Villanelle can't be like anyone else.

A truth that Villanelle is Villanelle. She can't be anyone else but she could feel things that anyone could, in her own way.

And that made her eyes blurry as tears began to fall.

She was blind but now she could see her.


	2. Sorry, Baby

Eve went back to London after staying in Konstantin's home for few days. She felt the concept of ideal family in his family, despite his job and all.

"You are welcome to stay here whenever you want. Irina would appreciate your company."

After those childish things they both did, she and Irina became truce when she won her favorite game, Uno.

" _You should've let me win!" Irina pouts._

_"Why? Because you are a child?"_

_She had a hard time of seperating Konstantin's father figure side and his side as a handler. She wondered how he does it - balancing his two-faced lifestyle._

_"How did you do it?"_

_"Do what? Being a father and a husband and also a father to Villanelle?"_

_"Yeah." Father to Villanelle...she figures Konstantin had harder time to take care of her than to his own child._

_He looks at the burning woods and the dancing flame for a while, he looks like he's thinking hard for an answer. "Hmm. Well, I know when to take of the tailored suit of being a handler at the right time. Doing my job, may be bad to other people's eyes because I act and behave differently. But doing it causes a greater good. I could support my family and have a good house. Have a good life." The way he looks at her gives her the sense of seriousness to his answer._

_Is Villanelle like that as well...?_

_As if he could hear her think, "For Villanelle, she doesn't have a two different person suit to wear on and off. She just wears Villanelle. She exists with her complexity and her irrisistable charm. She kills people and shows no remorse. She plays with our emotions...but Villanelle still feels the same as we do. Her front is just full of boredom." The way he drinks his whiskey seems like he couldn't swallow it. "I know she does feel like we do."_

_Eve could sense something important, a part of Villanelle, is about to show up._

_"Because I saw how broken she got when I took her. She was very young then."_

_For Eve, this is like a chocolate treat she's been wanting to have all along. And her sweet tooth is acting up._

_"I took her after seeing her kill Anna's husband. I was just around the apartment that time. She was already a show off back then, I saw her because the door was open when she did it. She was...let's say, enjoying it. You know when I saw her brokenness? The human in her?"_

_Eve knows the answer already. Anna._

_"It was when she saw Anna's reaction and how she made Villanelle go away. But Villanelle didn't want to go. She didn't, couldn't understand why it was happening. She was innocent but twisted. She loved Anna, I guess."_

_The story, for Eve, is really familiar._

_"It's just like mine. What happened in Rome..." her hand is shaking and her breathing is too tight._

_"Yeah. She told me what happened. Only a little. I guess you saw it too, huh?"_

* * *

Going back to London bores the hell out of her. For five times a week, she goes to her job as an agent to a company like MI5, but all she does is paper works. She would start the day eating ramen in a cup, and end the night with few shots of soju.

It's been another couple of months, and she's still holding the note that Konstantin gave to her before she said her good bye. Holding it with a glass of gin and tonic while going round and round the room.

A note with an email address. Villanelle's.

Her laptop has been open for hours. Now she has something to contact her with, she doesn't know what to do next of being one step closer.

"Dear Villanelle,"  _too formal. Too personal._

"Hello."  _What kind of introduction is that?_

Her supposed to be email went blank again. How come she can't even write a sentence to her when all she's been doing in the office is write and write?

Then her phone rings up.

The number is unknown and blocked.

Out of nowhere, her heart starts to beat fast. Her sweats began to feel cold.

It's her. She could feel it's her.

She answers the call.

Her voice seems nowhere to be found.

"It's been a long time, Eve."

Hearing her voice feels like a...relief.

_She's still alive._

"Does it still hurt?"

But it has a hint of...a deeper kind of empty than she has before.

"Villanelle..I-" She doesn't know what to say.

"No need to say anything for now. I decided to call you before I go."

_No. No. Not yet._

"I don't know, really. Maybe I just want to hear your voice before going off for a while. And yes, I know and memorized your number. I thought you'd change it and I guess I played my luck good."

"What do you mean off?"

"Uhh, the opposite of on? Being available? You know?"

_Don't. I'm one step closer to you now. Don't._

She shoved away the sarcasm tone of her.

"Don't!" She didn't manage to say what she really wants to. As if she's surprised to hear herself say it.

"Don't what, Eve?" The other line sounds louder now. Like, Villanelle is in a crowded place.

"Eve?"

After how many months of searching for her, it's all going to be a waste?

"I need to go now. Nice to hear your voice again."

"No..." but her voice is not that loud enough to be heard. She has a lot of things to say.

"Don't worry, Eve. Catch ya later." This time, Villanelle chuckles.

Then the line went off.

* * *

There goes another year of drinking, but it was wine; eating in restaurants alone, going to cinema by herself. In total, it's been almost two years and a half since they saw each other.

Of course, she tried. She tried a lot of times to trace the number. She even contacted Kenny. But knowing Villanelle, as what Konstantin said, she won't be found unless she wants to be. And yes, she wrote a lot of emails to her but there's no single reply.

_"Where are you? I need to see you. E"_

_"Are you still there?"_

_"For fuck sake Vilalalnell jusycone singlevplrely"_

Those are the last few emails she sent to her. The last one was when she got so drunk from drinking 2 bottles of wine in one go while watching cooking shows.

Not one single reply to all and to the rest. So she gave up. She had a chance to tell Kenny about the email, because it would be easier to track her. But she didn't want to.

She doesn't want to share a part of her to anyone now. She doesn't want them to know where she is. Because she have done that before, and it all ended up in tragedy. She doesn't want anyone to know, even while herself doesn't, because she's all hers now. Almost entirely, she will.

Eve knows she's desperate for Villanelle. For clarity...and maybe closure.

It's also been two years and a half since she had other people's company. Since she saw Villanelle. Since Kenny. She likes Kenny, despite of what he did. Of what he knew. For her, Kenny is a window of a slap of normality.

-

It's Saturday night, so she decided to go to a bar. A place out of her comfort zone. But before that, she went to shop for new clothes. She thought maybe Villanelle would be glad that she upgraded her wardrobe.

Don't you see? Her actions - everything she does, she always thinks of Villanelle. Like a bite so itchy that she keeps on scratching that's why she can't let go of it.

She's wearing a black leather jacket with a white top, and denim jeans with black heels in a size of three.

She wears her hair down, but no make up.

As she looks on the mirror...

_New. It feels like a new skin._

But she doesn't mind. A lot of things has changed in her life, a small change like this is nothing. For instance, her apartment is now a studio style. She has a car that she's still paying for, but it's nice. And she's growing herbs on her balcony.

The bar's ambiance is somewhat comforting. It's not that loud but it's crowded. It has a sophisticated touch. There are several younger people than her, but there's a lot of the same age as her.

She sits beside the bar and ordered, as usual, a glass of wine.

Time passes by, and she's now in her fifth glass of wine. Her vision is getting hazy and the place seems like it got way more people than earlier.

The music changed. From jazz, to music you could hear from the club. And the youth is dancing their way, making the bar more alive and roaring.

She just looked at the stage for several seconds then her glass is suddenly empty. So she ordered another one.

Almost ordered another not until someone stopped her. A hand that holds hers.

It feels rough and sweaty.

A man's hand.

"Are you really gonna drink more of that, miss?"

She's not in the mood to chitchat with strangers but for formality, she will.

A before-Eve won't do this. She was a stubborn, reckless, impulsive woman to everything she does. That those everything meets their damage. But now, Eve is...wide awake. She knows who she is now - what is she capable of doing so.

Years of being alone made a drastic change to herself. She had more time to think. To reflect. To accept what has change and to let go of what has finished.

Eve just looks at the man. She doesn't like men being like that. Doing anything with her without consent.

The booze of the wine drives her even more to be brave. But bravery is a mirror to stupidity. So which is which?

She gave him a smile. And so he did.

Flirtatious smile he has. He looks like the same age as her. By her observation, he is a divorced man by the tan line on his ring finger.  _Just like me._  His clothes look contemporary but smells like it's been in the storage for a long time.

A man who's in a hunt for a company.

Just like she is now.

But she doesn't prefer her company to be a man...

Then the booze sets off high.

She holds his hand while not breaking her eye contact that turned out seductive.

She wants to play.

She's tired of men being on the upper hand.

She holds his hand and their fingers interwined.

_Sweaty._

Sweaty like Niko's. She doesn't like it.

She holds his hand for so long that the man made a move again. Inches closer now to her. Their breaths are almost touching.

"You have a strong hand, miss...?"

Is she gonna say her name?

"I've been working out."

She really does. In her spare time, she would go to the gym for hours.

"Ooh, sexy." He licks his lips.

_Such a disgusting face._

"Are you gonna do something tonight?"

Yes. Yes she will.

Then she gave him one last smile before she whisper to his ear.

So close. So breathy.

"I will. I will do this."

She holds it so hard and tight.

And bends it. Like a popsicle.

And no. She's not gonna say her name just for him to remember her.

She wants him to remember her for something fun (twisted is fun for her, as we all know).

Ah, that made Eve seems to sober up quickly. The man keeps on shouting and shouting with pain and anger but she didn't mind it as she made her way out of the crowd.

She went outiside the bar and put her earphones in. Now she walks with a smile on her face.

Doing a thing like that makes Eve be less bored in her life. So she keeps that twisted side of her besides her.

She knows she's different now. But she's still Eve - the Eve that became.

-

It's almost midnight.

Her flat is only several blocks away so she decided to walk.

The air feels cold. It matches the street lights and how empty it looks like.

She found herself puffing a smoke from time to time (especially whenever she does something not normal. Like her).

Eve doesn't want to go home yet. Go back to a place so lonely - alone with the dust above her books; so dull - like abandonment decided to keep her company. She has a lovely home, but it doesn't feel like it. She's satisfied with being alone, but she feels loneliness under her sheets every night. Trying to remind her what was her life back then - warm, simple, light, and boring. Trying to remind her the damages, the wounds and the scars that won't leave her alone. And it's always successful that she ends up feeling incomplete, with a void that cannot be filled with anything but her.

She took a sit on the waiting shed. Not waiting for the bus. Just...just chilling. Thinking, therefore she's not chilling because she knows that when she starts to contemplate, it's a never-ending.

What is she thinking about? Of course, it's always Villanelle. It may seem the chasing game is over, but for her, she keeps on chasing Villanelle. Or maybe, just chasing nothing.

She doesn't want Villanelle to be nothing, after all that happened. No. In fact, she became a part of Eve. She left a scar, that's why. A scar from her. A scar that it is her. And that scar won't leave her forever, that's why as much as she _thinks_  she wants to move on, she can't. Villanelle won't let her. That's the power of Villanelle - her presence will linger in everything around you, in you, 'til you suffer.

Eve likes menthol cigar. Makes her feel something, even just a little.

She made a lot of changes in her life, yet it seems this feeling can't change. Not by her. The feeling of...emptiness. It's emptiness but why does it feel heavy? So suffocating? It hurts.

Villanelle left her. Villanelle gave her a phone call, trying to make her scent linger even more, then left her hanging. Villanelle left her with emptiness. A heavy feeling that could only be her own.

She looks up at the sky. It's bright and beautiful. She wonders if Villanelle is looking at it, too.

-

Her thoughts of Villanelle is becoming too much now. Too much for her to handle tonight.

She puts the volume up on her phone.

So loud just for her to be distracted with the thoughts of her.

Not until her phone interrupted her with a message.

"Have you had _fun_ this evening?"

She's now feeling the same feeling she felt when Villanelle called her last year.

She stood up. Glancing left and right. Looking everywhere. But there's no one in sight. Only traffic lights and carless roads.

"I bet you did. Because seeing you broke his hand gave me a fun evening as well."

_Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit._

_It's her._

";)"

She waited for minutes for another text - there's no more.

Then something caught her attention. A sudden light appeared in an apartment in front of her.

_Fuck._

It's Villanelle. It's her shadow. She's just standing there, in front of her.

Of course Eve knows, and she knows she needs to go inside and see her herself.

-

She just found herself inside the apartment. There are no lights, but only the moon's that gave her to see something.

The room's empty.

Her footsteps are quite like a cat's.

_Wide but alert._

Her body twitched when a chair, just few meters away from her creaks.

She puts on her phone's flashlight towards it but there's no one. No Villanelle, only a note.

"Sorry Baby"

She left her scent linger on Eve again. She left her again with longing in emptiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the surprise edit with this chapter. Hoping you're still with me.


	3. Finish Line of the Chasing Game

The night didn't give her a decent sleep.

Actually, she didn't get to sleep at all. She just closed her eyes 'til the morning sun gave her a kiss on the cheeks.

Eve would usually get up and get ready to prepare for work, but this time, she would call it a day. A day of rest for her mind.

Her work is just a plain dramatic excuse to keep out Villanelle out of her head. She needed to pump herself out - drain herself with paper works, with boring meetings, with bland greetings from her workmates. Then she would just find herself tired enough not to fantasize about her.

It's either one of these two: she would think about Villanelle 'til her eyes cry out for her to sleep, or she would make herself occupied to avoid thinking, imagining even, what could've happened if she didn't walk away from the ruins - away from her.

For now, she would excuse herself from going to work. She's feeling too much - as if anytime, she will burst out. Like confetti.

-

The morning is still young...

She made herself a good breakfast. Hot short macchiato, with toasted buttered bread, sided up with omelette. She learned this when she realized she's going to live alone, ever since Niko and her split up. She learned a lot of things. Cooking. Making coffee, but always fail when it comes to making pancakes and baking cookies.

_Niko is way better as a housewife than I._

Eve seems like she's in a good mood.

Or she just pretends she is.

Every sway of her body, every dance of her hair, and every blink of an eye of hers - her mind is flooded with thoughts from last night. A good mood that hides an ache.

It's like the ends of the magnet are beginning to match their desires.

They're getting closer again.

...yet the morning went by so fast.

The streets are deaf with the traffic sounds and can't find peace with the fast phase movements of people.

She's just been sitting in front of this big window that she could view the life outside. She's tired of watching people inside of a box, so she's doing this - watching people outside.

Her skin is exposed, for she is just wearing a matching under garments. Black lace bra and panty. She doesn't mind it, because her flat is high enough for people not to even notice her eyes on them. Unless they're not the busy ones that usually cross the street.

She's interrupted, again, by her phone.

She stood up and gave herself a glass of wine first. (A glass of wine should not be only for expensive dinner of sorts, darlings)

"Don't excite me like that."

_Fuck. How...?_

"You're only mine to see, Eve Polastri."

How does she knows where she lives?

Fortunately, she loaded her sim card, just in case she would text her again.

"Villanelle? Where are you?" Eve sent.

"Come by the window now."

So she did. The intersection is too busy again, as usual for around this time. It has way too many people. Mostly working class.

Her phone rang up.

"You've seen me already. You looked at me earlier. Or maybe not, this street is so crowded."

Shit. Fuckering fuck fucker fucked. Does she have a telescope with her or her eyes really could see that far?

So Villanelle has been watching her as she also watched the people under.

Eve is frustrated.

She hates this.

She hates not getting what she wants.

She hates it, but fuck it, she also loves it.

Her eyes are roaming around. Searching for her face hidden by others'.

"I need to see you..." Eve's voice became soft. It's true. She really needs to see her. To say everything she's been trying to practice for years. To get herself a sense of clarity. To let Villanelle know that she finally understands everything - understand what she did.

"Aw, Eve. You haven't forgotten about me. That's touching." Villanelle chuckles.

She miss that.

She miss hearing that, but mostly she miss seeing her face. A face with delicate features.

"Aren't you surprised I've been keeping in touch with you?" She sounds like she's trying to tease her.

"Why would I be?"

"Because you broke my heart, Eve."

That made Eve's heart sank for a bit. She knows that she did...and she's sorry for that.

"And you shot me."

"You know it was surgical."

I know.

She knows. She knew it as she spent two months of healing. She thought if Villanelle wanted her dead during that time, she would be already. But she wasn't, she is not.

All of a sudden, the street is now clear from the busy steps of people.

Only one person is left there standing.

It is indeed Villanelle.

Eve can't fully see what she looks like now but she's certain it is her.

"You really do have a nice body, you know that?"

In the middle of her eyes squinting, her eyes could see a smile carved in the person looking at her from below.

She blushed. She shouldn't be but she blushed. A tingle she felt from her stomach. As if the wings of the butterflies inside her stomach are clapping for her.

She still wanted to hear her voice, but it was too late because the line went off.

She feels hot. She feels excitement building up again inside of her.  _God, I miss this._

"Go to the bar again tonight. I wanna see you dance. ;)"

Sigh, that wink. Such a Villanelle thing to do.

"Why would I do that?" She replied.

"Because you would want to."

_Fuck._

Of course she would go there. She would go where Villanelle would be. She's not the same as before, remember?

* * *

A year and several months ago.

_Villanelle gave Konstantin a visit, as she promised._

_"She made you soft." He shook his head._

_"Eve didn't." Oh, she knows Eve did after all._

_"I'm talking about Irina, Villanelle." He shook his head even more._

_"Oh."_

_And they just looked at each other for maybe ten seconds or less, then they both rolled their eyes. Almost like a family to one another._

_"Anyway, contact me when Eve comes around here, okay?" Her bag, as much as possible, should be light to carry. But not this time. She's still on the hunt for a safe place to stay, and unfortunately, it's certainly not Konstantin's._

_"How do you know she would come here?"_

_"I just know."_

_He rolled his eyes, for the second time. "You both deserve each other if that happens."_

_"Why, thank you." She smiled. "And stop with the eye roll. Ugh, you're really Irina's dad."_

-

Konstantin is right all along. They both deserve each other, because he contacted her after five months when she went to his house.

That gave her a tickling feeling and made her eyes so wide - as if she saw the thing she's been wanting to have; her lips were slightly apart and an ardent sigh escaped from it.  _Maybe Eve have forgiven me_. She knows what she did was bad, but she's not to blame. She's not, in her part. Well, first, she did what Eve told her to do. And she didn't even like being controlled yet she let Eve be like one to her. She didn't mind it. In fact, she won't mind, _just not too much._ It's only Konstantin and her that she won't mind not doing what they told her to do. Second, she was really in danger because of Raymond and she wanted to feel of getting helped, for the first time. And she wants Eve to give that to her, but mostly, she just wanted to see Eve kill someone. She knows Eve wanted to do it deep inside. She just helped her do it. _What's wrong with helping?_ Third and the last, she really do love Eve. And she wants Eve to do the same. When she walked away, that shuttered her heart. The beauty of the ruins and the pain of seeing Eve walked away from her made her feel the same horrid feeling she felt with Anna.

She admitted it that it was too fast for her to do such thing, too fast for Eve. She needed to do it, though. Needed to pursuade Eve to come with her. _So that she could be safe...with me._ But she knows...she knows that Eve is not, and might not always be safe with her - for Villanelle is the danger itself. She doesn't like it. She doesn't like how everything and everyone she wants to have and to love often ends up getting destroyed. She didn't choose to be like this. It's the other things and people around her that made her like this. She can't be blame. She's tired of being the one who's always blamed for the bad things that have happened...she...she just wants to have a normal life. And she saw that in Eve. It doesn't mean that she wants Eve just for that. No, of course not. Eve made her feel things she never felt before. Not even with Anna. It's different. She knows Eve is the same as her, and Eve knows it too. _She was just scared to face truth._ Truth is like the one that our parents talk about that hides under our bed. They made us see it as a terrifying thing to see and to know. But truth is really just within us. Hidden beneath the layers of other people's voices and our morality that is shaped by society. Truth is ugly, but it is beautiful for the one that appreciates it.

Villanelle knows that what she wants to have with Eve...is way too far for them to reach. It's the lighthouse miles away and she's in the middle of the mad waves that keep on fighting with her way foward.

Yet, she keeps on wanting to reach the shore. She would always try. She would swim even if it...scares her.

Being alone scares her. It's the only feeling she's really familiar with, besides lust and wrath. That's what most people don't know. They only know what she wants them to see. She made herself shielded with Villanelle - a part of her that emerged from everything she have witnessed. Villanelle is fearless, fun, interesting. But she's still...she's still Oksana. The girl that only knew was to survive her way up, even if it would be the death of her. And somehow, it did kill her. She got tired of being Oksana...and so, she was glad of Konstantin. The one who helped her become who she could be, who she really is.  
-  
It was not that easy for her. To escape from the ruins, from Eve, from everything. She barely even got out alive when Eve stabbed her. She couldn't handle how messed up it all became. But she's not a quitter, that's for sure. She would do everything to gain everything back. To bring all of it on the same place as they were.

She had a job before, not that far from Rome. For every kill she made, she would find a place to hide money and other important things, just in case _this_ would happen.

Two years. Two years of being alone almost suck the life out of her. She made some freelance, just to have more cash. She spent most of her time going to places, and killing some men from The Twelve. They would chase her and kill her. From those moments of running away, Konstantin helped her with the coordinates. He couldn't abandon her that fast. Her charm is too irrisitable and their bond is too strong to be broken. And by those moments, she was still mad with Konstantin. She thought she would be betrayed again.

_"Be glad there's someone that is worried about you." He said as he helped her._

She was.

* * *

 

When she texted _that_ to Eve, she just let the time pass. A hotel that she's staying in not that far from Eve's nor the bar.  
Villanelle is excited but also nervous. She keeps on trying different outifts. It took her an hour to finally decided what to wear.  
This time it's just a simple shirt, almost like a cropped top, with blue jeans and boots, while her hair is down and eyes are covered with black glasses.

"Sigh, I would do myself. So sexy." She said as she looks at the mirror.

-

It's almost time.  
The bar, or Gregory's, (yes, that's the name of the bar) is a perfect place for her plan. Her plan is not dangerous or anything. Villanelle just wants to get closer to Eve. Close enough not to be noticed. She hired a woman to accompany Eve.

It feels cold inside. There are more youth than the old, rotting souls. _Except Eve, okay? She'll always be amazing._

She's been sitting at the edge where the crowd hides her from Eve, but paved her a way to get a look of her.

The woman, after an hour or two of talking, trying to make Eve be at least interested to her, asked her to go dance with her. After several shots of gin, Eve seems she's out of her mind to be conscious to whatever what's happening.

Villanelle is just...watching with awe. Eve still looks amazing. More amazing, even. It feels so different, it's more pulsating to see Eve closer than those times she tried.

_She changed her...clothes._

She is proud, and so so glad that that happened. She doesn't care nonetheless if Eve is still wearing the same distressing clothes to look at.

She starts to make her move now.  
The crowd seems in favor with her. They didn't make her struggle to get closer to Eve. As if...as if everything that is happening tonight, is fate that deciding it to happen.

Only few meters away. Only three or four people in between of Villanelle and Eve.

She can't deny her growling heart. She could only her its beat and the music is nowhere to be heard.

The woman saw her and winked at her. That's the cue that it's her turn now. The woman made Eve sway as the melody wants her to be. It's time.  
This is one of the many things she have thought about doing to Eve. She wants to meet her again with a dance. A dance with both of them holding their hands - like they've formed a balance, surrounded by scattered broken glasses of the past.

Villanelle and the woman perfectly timed when she's gonna hold Eve's hand. It's when Eve's gonna be closer to the other that has been dancing with her.

And when Eve swayed away and swayed in closer, the music she could hear is only the voice of the woman in front of her.

Both of their eyes are wide like a cat.

Both of their lips are apart.

Both of their hearts are on a race.

"Hello, Eve."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the choir and orchestra earlier for this.
> 
> Don't make me feel lonely, ladies.


	4. Who is the Cat and Which One is the Curiosity?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then the flames of fire begin to dance.

Like the night of rebellion, theirs has its sudden peace – how the waves calm after the terror of the storm.

Like the moon lights the corner of the streets, their eyes flicker like fire when one breath just leaves a glimmer touch to the skin of the other.

As if the time slows itself down for just the two of them – just for Eve to let herself swallow the presence of the past she kept on hunting and finally has been captured – the honey hue of _her_ hair; the full lips of _her_ that are apart from each other – like it's trying to search for an air of truth, if this moment is real; and the catlike eyes that are staring at her, they are wider and more alert – a stare that makes her feel paralyzed, but the stare...is not that quite lost as it was before.

_Her_ hands are wrapped around her curves, and it fits. Eve is pulled closer and she let out a gasp, like an almost sensual breath. "I told you, I'll catch you." _She_ smiles and it is not a teasing one, but like how a winner got her prize after a lot of obstacles in her way. _She_ bites her lips when this Asian with an amazing hair's body touches hers.

_She_ feels a drizzle of heat.

A heat from excitement.

_She_ feels nervous.

Nervous from the changes that happened in between the two of them that comes with uncertainty of how the now would turn out.

Uncertainty is not in her vocabulary of life, but _Eve is uncertainty herself –_ she is unpredictable and reckless, which makes her more interesting.

"And you have catched me..." her voice sounds puzzling. She sounds like Eve, yet it has a sound of an unknown.

A sound of stability and a tone of being still.

Villanelle let out a lustful sigh. Everything that happened to them didn't have any sexual flesh contact, but the **tension** of their desire to one another is enough for one of them to touch themselves while thinking about the other, or to be ardent of their glances for something unspoken about them.

The bar felt like it's open only for the two of them, but that moment passed when a band came up on the stage and started playing jazz.

-

"What do you want to drink? My treat."

Villanelle sounds casual, as if nothing happened, and Eve feels uneasy about it.

"Just wine."

They're both sitting on the corner table, away from the crowd.

"Red, right?"

_Of course she knows._

"Right."

As soon as Villanelle stands up and goes in the middle of the youth, her eyes can't help but to linger on her. She looks beautiful like always. It feels strange for her to see Villanelle just wearing casual clothes, but hell, she still looks charming.

The young woman glanced at her and caught her staring, but Villanelle just gave her _that smirk._ And there goes Eve, blushing again. She feels young again whenever she's with her.

She feels like a mess. She took her small window of her reflection and looks at herself. _A mess but okay enough._

"You're still beautiful, Eve. Don't worry." Alas, Villanelle caught her again and she blushed again.

"Can you stop doing that?" She feels embarrassed.

Villanelle tilts her head a bit and give her a questionning look. Just after few seconds, she smiles, teasingly.

"What? Making you blush like you are right now?"

_Ugh._

Eve drinks her glass of wine in just one go – trying to make embarrassment and uneasiness go away.

"Why now?" she started _it._

"Why? Why not? Why, Eve? Don't you want to see me? I heard from a little bird you were on a hunting trip."

Villanelle's eyes darkens. Earlier, it was visibly vulnerable, but now it's like she's...she put up her walls again – walls that she will let Eve break in.

"If you don't want to see me, I don't want my time to be wasted."

She stands up and is ready to walk away again. Oh, the drama. She loves drama.

Eve holds her hand. The hand that she was willingly to be touched, and always will be.

"No...No. Don't go away again. Of course, I want to see you, Villanelle."

She feels her heart might break in any minute if Villanelle would go astray from her again.

"Okay." Villanelle gave her a satisfied and childlike expression.

_Drama queen._

"Why were you trying to find me?"

_Why? Because..._

"I...I needed to see you. To tell you everything."

Eve is annoying when it comes to wanting answers.

"I asked you first. You haven't answer me yet."

Then there is silence in the middle of them. A silence and a stare so deep from Villanelle. She is playing the glass, the glass that Eve's lips touched. There is still a little amount of wine left.

Villanelle put her lips to where Eve's was and drank all that were left while staring at her.

Eve feels it again – butterflies flying in her stomach. Her lips suddenly feels dry.

She could see how Villanelle's lips are wet from the wine and she wants...she wants those lips to make hers wet.

"Hold my hand. Don't let go of it if you want to know everything."

For Eve, everything of Villanelle is scary but she is not afraid. Not anymore. But when the time comes that she's struggling to hold on to her, she would hold her hand tighter.

"Don't let go of mine too, if you want to hear mine."

For Villanelle, everything of Eve is...unpredictable. Maybe because it's normal, and normal is not friendly with her. How can she not let go of Eve? How can every single night she spent alone for the past few years, weren't given a silence from thoughts about Eve?

Because Eve is different. It's not only Eve that got her life messed up. It's what almost everyone thought and that is wrong. Villanelle's life turned upside down as well. She...she wasn't supposed to feel this way – but she does, she does feel it and it terrifies her. Feelings are the things that she doesn't know how to deal with.

But Villanelle, as soon as she made herself be seen again from Eve, she took the risk – the risk of knowing the unknown of normality. She hopes her broken heart will heal this time from the same person that broke it. This hope feels not right, but not wrong either. It feels...it feels new.

The cat won't mind her nine lives being taken away, as long as the curiosity never fades.

But the question is, who is the cat and which one is the curiosity?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Pride Month, gays. March for me, will you? x - Y


	5. If This Isn't Love, Then What Is?

The side road is a good spot to see the sun rises in between the columns of the bridge. It's cold, colder than the usual mornings.

Eve's hands are trembling because of it and almost her body, too.

Villanelle could feel it, the few inches that seperate them on their seat is nothing for her not to sense it.

"You're shaking." Her body is facing Eve's.

"I'm fine."

She offers her hands and that made Eve raise her eyebrows.

She let out a chuckle. "Let me."

"What?"

Villanelle couldn't help but to roll her eyes and take Eve's hands on to hers. "Let me do this." And there she goes, her hands caged Eve's as she blows her hot breath to give some heat.

If only this moment could last for a long time. If only there is no more things to resolve and no more feelings to talk about.

As if Eve forgot to breathe, she catches her breath when she realized Villanelle's lips have touch her hand and her eyes are locked on to hers – the stare is...devouring.

"Oops." She giggles and went over the edge of the fences to...just to look at the view. That left Eve with confusion, with arousal, and with a gift – a gift to see Villanelle's shape glows behind the morning rays; it is indeed a new thing for her to witness. Villanelle doing...doing absolutely nothing and just taking in the view. She is looking at Villanelle more than she has looked at the view. She looks at her for a while, wishing this moment would last for her to reminisce. Like a photo to look at but only a memory.

She hope it's enough for her to remember that. And maybe she will, if forever does exist, she will remember it forever because it would be worth it, even if it would hurt. Villanelle is a feeling that makes her question herself, makes her do things she thought she couldn't and wouldn't, but she did. Villanelle, for Eve, is a feeling that is chaotic but also a sense of balance. Villanelle is a feeling she wants to stop feeling but she would always find herself searching for it. Villanelle is like a pain that she wants to stop hurting but she would choose not to.

"You have made yourself like a gift to me." Eve stands beside her.

"Do you like your present then?"

"Like a gift you would receive even when there's no occassion."

That made Villanelle...smile and eyes glitter. "More like a suprise present then?"

"Yeah."

It's a perfecting timing for either one of them to talk about what happened, what did they do after _it_ , what changes occured. Yet it seems there is something that's choking the both of them.

"Will you..."

Remember that she practiced all the things she wants to say to Villanelle, when _this_ would happen? She forgot all about it. Or she chose not to say it. For Eve, what matters the most now is what would happen after this. What would their words make.

"Will you forgive me?"

Eve feels heavy after asking that, and she could feel she would tear up in any minute.

That buffled Villanelle.

"I shot you, don't you remember? I should be the one to ask that."

"Ask me then."

Villanelle squints her eyes like playful child, her finger touchers her lower lip. Thinking. "Hmm. Sorry not sorry?"

"Oh, you asshole." Eve elbows her and they both found themselves...sharing a laugh.

If only this moment could last forever.

"Okay, okay. I partly feel bad about that."

"Partly?" Eve raise her eyebrows again.

"Uhm...like, 45%?"

Eve doesn't look impressed.

"Partly but mostly I don't...? Because see, Eve. See this moment. See us. That heart break I felt and the shot that you felt, don't you think it's worth it all?"

_It's worth it all. God, it is worth it all._

She just looks at Villanelle. And god, she is worth it, isn't it? As morbid and twisted as it sounds, she is worth all the murders, all the pain and all the mess her life has gotten to.

"But will you forgive me, still?"

It must have been painful and lonely for Villanelle, isn't it? She chose to make herself be vulnerable to Eve. Despite of getting stabbed, she still looked for her. Despite of getting her heart broken again, she didn't let go of her.

"I have..."

She thinks of those days and nights when she often made herself remember the fact that Eve visited Konstantin to search for her. She thinks of those times when she tried, fuck, she really tried to get rid of Eve from her mind. But everything she does and see, it all make her remember Eve. To all the people she made out with, they all resembled a part or some of Eve.

They both can't escape from each other. They know that, that's for sure. They know it as they look at one another, right now, while the sunrise witness the world they will make on this moment.

"I have forgiven you, Eve." A small smile with a hint of sincerity carved on her face. "Do you still want to know everything?"

Eve's hand makes Villanelle feel like they're in the kitchen again. Its cupped on her cheek and she let herself feel more of it, of her, and this time, Eve didn't let go. This is what Villanelle wanted all along.

"Everything is right now. Everything is us. Everything is..." and she lets go... _let go of yourself once in a while..._ and let herself be on Villanelle's. "Everything is this."

Eve is...hugging her and she let herself be and also hugs the other.

To feel each other, without the tension, without the chaos, without the loud thoughts of Eve and the haunting past of Villanelle – this is their everything.

It feels euphoric for Villanelle. It's like letting out a big sigh after a hellish day. This is all she wanted.

If only this moment could last forever, they won't mind being stucked in it.

-

Eve doesn't know where they are going. Villanelle has been driving for few hours – swifting between the hectic roads and the yawning streets. Actually, she doesn't care anymore. _As long as she's with Villanelle, she is not lost._

There's no single word that has come out from their mouths, but only exchanged glances.

Eve being Eve, she doesn't like a dry air. "Where did you get this car?"

Villanelle clicks her tongue and stares at her for a bit. "Really, Eve? I didn't steal this."

"I didn't say you stole it."

"You were implying it."

The rest of the trip as well as their argument (as couple, wink wonk) lasted until they arrived to the building where Eve's staying.

"Why my apartment?"

"Why not?" Villanelle actually wants to see if Eve also improved her...living style.

The elevator stops on the 13th floor.

"Lead the way."

And so Eve does. She keeps her flat clean as much as possible, and her office, in between her kitchen and bed, is where she makes _the_ mess – mess of paper works, books about murders and women assassins, maps and pieces of any information that might give her where Villanelle is.

Villanelle's eyes are looking, well judging, the place. Over all, it's nice. The walls are bricks of brown and the appliances are coated in matte black.

"Eve, if you do animal cruelty, at least not a zebra." She's referring to the color of the carpet.

"I like the color, okay?" She said as she's preparing two glasses of wine. It feels weird to serve wine on two glasses and not just for herself.

Eve looks so awkward. She keeps on standing up then sitting down then thinking on what to say or do.

"What are you doing?" Villanelle chuckles.

That startles Eve. "Why is it everytime I do something embarrassing, you're always there to see it?"

Villanelle just grins. "I'm hungry. Want some spaghetti? It will suit the wine."

That's when her stomach grumbles. "Oh, god. Yeah. That would be great."

"Okay. You cook. Thank you."

_Asshole._

Well, she doesn't have much choice and she wants to cook for Villanelle. She would be the first one to taste her cooking. Thanks to cooking books she bought when she ran out of books to read, and she needed it to survive, especially when Niko and her split up.

After one episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine ended, the spaghetti as well as some garlic bread are all done. Villanelle doesn't need to be called for her to know the lunch is ready because just by smelling it, she knows it's time to eat. Eve is just looking at her blankly while she's finding where the forks and spoons are. She's getting... _hangry._ She opens all of the kitchen cabinets and found nothing but boxes of cereals and jars of seasonings.

"Ugh! Where's the fork and spoon, Eve?!"

But Eve, oh my dear Eve, is enjoying thr scene. "Just keep looking. It's there." And she, playfully and rudely, starts to eat while Villanelle is still looking. She even opens the microwave and the toaster. The fucking toaster.

Eve can't handle it anymore and she let out the laughter she's been trying to hold in for ten minutes, and that's when Villanelle looks at her. A deadly look that made Eve gulp.

Her fork and spoon are already besides the plate of pasta and the bread. She's frowning and slightly snarling.

_What a child._

"Rude, Eve. Rude." She said as she hungrily makes big bites of the food.

"I'm sorry, it was funny."

Villanelle finished eating in just a couple of minutes.

"That was so good. I thought you don't know how to cook."

"What makes you think I don't know how?"

"The shepherd's pie."

Of course.

There goes the awkward silence again.

"Uhh..."

Villanelle, sitting, or let's say lying down the couch, looks at her. "Hmm?"

"What now?"

She looks at the ceiling for a bit and she came up with an idea. "Come here, Eve."

So she did. She's sitting at the end of the couch, her fingers are playing with one another. Eve doesn't know why she feels awkward. (This is what most couples feel like on their first time alone together, right?)

"Now..." Villanelle pulls Eve beside her. "...we do this."

Eve's heart is beating fast. She's being hugged from behind by Villanelle. She could feel _her_ breath on the back of her neck. _Her_ hand is wrapped around her body. Like two pieces completed the incomplete. And there they are, lying down besides each other.

"I have a lot of things to say." Eve said.

"Me too."

"I have a lot of things to explain."

"And so do I."

"I-"

"Sshhh, Eve." Villanelle hugs her tighter. She buries her face on Eve's hair. _This is what she wanted._ "Let's sleep on it for a while. Take a rest with me."

They had a long night and so she did.

If this isn't love, then what is?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the bed weather and to the good dinner. Also, thanks for waiting and reading.
> 
> This might be the last chapter. Might. Let me know what you think by leaving a comment.


End file.
